Transformers : Age of Extinction review

Michael Bay, you have brought this upon yourself.

Transformers : AOE (Age of Extinction and get used to the abbreviation because I will be using it a lot) was a CGI dripping mess of a movie with stale actors and a few decent actors that they must have tricked into doing the movie to give it more credibility.  I’m not sure why I went into this movie expecting more than it’s predecessors, Dark of the Moon was by far the best of all 3 films at the time. That movie still had it’s problems like being stuffed full of so many new characters without so much as a background story (unless you read the back of the toy package or flipped through a comic book) and giving the viewers more of what we still didn’t give any fucks about; Sam, his love life and more importantly his awful…..camera mugging parents. Transformers: AOE was a long, painful theater experience that I won’t soon forget.

(I will add that I saw this movie for free and I’m very happy that I did. Paying money to see AOE would have meant theater hopping till I felt like I had been reimbursed my ticket price.)

(Yabba Dabba Doo!)

First, this is a near three hour movie and it feels like every minute of three hours. The movie just seems to go on for eternity and for no good reason than to justify the effects team’s passion for exploding shit. They also dragged Kelsey Grammer and Stanley Tucci into this movie and their parts are just as memorable as John Malkovich’s role in the previous movie. I mean I know they got paid for what they did but you can’t tell me that their parts seemed forced, like when you have to do something you don’t want to do (for example the Ghostbusters II/ Bill Murray debate). And I finally figured out why the movie is two hours and forty-six minutes, they forgot to put the Dinobots in and slapped another forty-six minutes on the film. The Dinobots barley even feel like they are in the movie and the designs alone make me say, “Those aren’t Dinobots, it’s Truck-a-saurus from the monster truck rally.” I know it’s the Michael Bay Universe / “Bay-formers” but it doesn’t make it any better, it’s deplorable no matter how you explain it.

(these are Dino-Bots)
(these are not)

I don’t want to drone on and on, or at least any further so I’ll end it with; Transformers: AOE earned 0 out of 5 stars, two thumbs down, it stinks, Redbox it if you must watch it, wait for the cable tv debut, borrow a friend’s copy of the movie, catch it on Video On Demand……I think you get the picture.

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