Raging Nerdgasm Movie review – Monster Brawl

I’ve already admitted to being a 80s and 90s wrestling nerd, I loved the outlandish characters and entertaining stories. I also admitted to being a huge dork when it comes to the classic monsters so when I heard rumblings of a movie from a few years ago that mixed those two elements together I thought, “Sounds pretty groovy, I’m down for it.” Luckily my curiosity was quenched with my subscription to NetFlix and it was showtime….Monster Brawl.

 (Monsters plus wrestling? What could go wrong?)

Monster Brawl starts off looking like something just this side of a junior college film project. The shots are a little more revealing than they should be and the close ups are not clean, think SyFy channel movies from 2 years ago or more. The concept is a supernatural wrestling promotion that pits legendary monsters against each other for the bragging rights of heavy weight champion of whatever the fuck they made up. Surprisingly the star power isn’t too shabby with Dave Foley, Art Hindle and Lance Hendrickson (well, in voice only but they must have paid him well for his Mortal Kombat-esque commentary). There’s also a handful of wrestlers in the movie like Kevin Nash, Robert Maillet, Jimmy Hart and Herb Dean (OK, he’s MMA famous but still) but I don’t officially commit to calling them star acting power. According to IMDB the budget was a conservative 200K in Canadian dollars so it looks like they really spent every penny on discount Halloween props and Red Bull energy drinks.

(This is what I got the displeasure of seeing.)

The premise is 8 classic monsters face off in a battle to the death to establish who is the number one biggest badass in the supernatural world. And they do so in a wrestling ring, ala’ WWF style. I’m fond of Asylum Entertainment’s movies (like Sharktopus or Ghost Shark or Sharknado) but this sounds like the crap I would come up with as a little kid playing with my action figures when I decided I was bored using Macho Man to fight Hulk Hogan. The explanation isn’t rushed, it’s partially missing. For lack of better terms, Dave Foley trips through the exposition like a one legged man playing hopscotch in a mine field. I don’t think it was his fault though, he probably couldn’t do much with what script there was if it wasn’t fully ad-lib to begin with.

(Once you see the amateur effects, you can’t unsee the zippers and cosmetics.)

Each monster gets a rather rushed backstory and the “fights” are really slow moving. This is a premise that would have done better turned into a webisode series. The only redeeming part of any of the fights is Lance Hendrickson’s commentary during the fights as an unseen entity. Think the voice in Mortal Kombat that would laugh or say “superb” or “excellent”. Many of the monsters have special powers they never really explained, they mention the powers just moments before the character uses it. Did you know the Cyclops has an energy beam he shoots from his eye? Well neither did I until seconds before he blew away some hideous hag cleverly named Witch Bitch.

(I expected so much just based on the concept and these promotional posters.)

And then there’s the monsters. Cyclops, Frankenstein, Zombie Man, Witch Bitch, Swamp Gut, Werewolf, Lady Vampire and the Mummy. All of those monsters I was moderately OK with until they mentioned Swamp Gut. What’s a Swamp Gut? Well, take the Sasquatch and mix in Creature from the Black Lagoon and Swamp Thing. Then crap it out and look at the abomination that’s been born. Needless to say I think it’s a weak character that could have been easily replaced with another pseudo knock off monster. And I’m not sure who’s costume was worse, Swamp Gut or Cyclops. Both characters you can see parts of the guy in the costume under the bad special effects make-up. Like I said, the movie spent the budget at a Spirit Halloween store on November 1st.

(What I was hoping for versus what I got.)

If you have 89 minutes to waste and a few beers to kill, I suggest either watching this movie or maybe doing something to better yourself. Click the link below to see a list of worthwhile movies that also last 89 minutes or less. The top one is Zombieland, which is an enjoyable Halloween-y film if that’s your style.

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Raging Nerdgasm #298 NC Flea Market finds – Ana Khayos Flea Market find in NC for a whopping $11.


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5 more random action figures

Star Trek TNG Antican

The Antican was from the earlier seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Y’know, back when they were still feeling out the direction of the show and before the make up and effects got better. According to the Star Trek wiki the Anticans are a sentient humanoid-canine species from the planet Antica who like to eat their meat still alive and kicking. Think rape-cannibals. Anyways, their prey of choice were the Selay; a reptilian humanoid species resembling cobra people for lack of better terms. The Antican, Selay, Q and the Feringi were tail enders to the failing Galoob Star Trek series and usually command big bucks in good condition. Unless you are a nut and have to have him I would suggest living without him unless you get him for a few bucks, he’s far from being the most interesting toy you don’t own.

Slo Mo from Space Precinct

                           
Oh yeah, that breakout BBC series known as Space Precinct. Right? It played in the US if your market was lucky enough to slip it into a late night/early morning time slot. Those time slots that play just before the channel signs off for the night or they start playing the 700 Club or infomercials isn’t exactly the way to coax people into falling in love with a fairly imaginative hour long tv series. Created and written by Gerry Anderson ( creative mind behind Thunderbirds, Stingray and Captain Scarlet), this live action police drama seemed childish on the surface with silly characters like Slo Mo and brightly designed alien species  (using a lot of great make up techniques and puppetry) but had lots of adult undertones and story lines. Needless to say it lasted a year even though rating highly in Europe, the series capped off with 24 episodes and was Gerry Anderson’s biggest budgeted production.

Slo Mo was more than likely in every episode if memory serves me right. Kind of a comic relief mixture of C3P0 and R2D2 to offset some of the tension I bought Slo Mo just because I thought he’d look cool in the background of a Jawa Sandcrawler or some other scene I dreamed of building but never got around to. Now he just haunts a random bin full of miscellanous toys where I’ll probably throw him next to the Antican if I decide either deserves to be displayed.

Macho Man LJN thumb wrestler

Nothing quite like cornholing a bearded man in pink underwear and making him fight another mostly naked man with a thumb up his ass. While I really like LJN’s WWF figures I’ve always had this strange issue with the thumb wrestlers. That and they are incredibly hard to display.

Imperial Space fighters

Here goes my love/hate for bendy figures. Imperial did a few straight bootlegs of other popular space branded toys and made them bendies. This is a green Star Wars Storm Trooper, let that sink in for a minute.

Harem Xena

I never was a big fan of the Xena series but then again I wasn’t a fan of the Hercules series till it was off the air and I was much older. Even the times I sat down trying to watch the series with an open mind, I lost interest within minutes. You could almost time me; 7 minutes in and I was done, just like clockwork. I bought this figure to eventually customize into a Slave Leia 6 inch figure but I think I got bored one day and shot it with an airsoft gun. They’re making a 6 inch Slave Leia and I probably won’t buy it anyways because I’m just not that into Star Wars anymore.

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MUSCLE Men Wrestling Ring and MUSCLE Man Figures.

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MUSCLE Men Wrestling Ring (4)

MUSCLE Men Wrestling Ring .MUSCLE Man Figures. Check out our flickr at http://www.flickr.com/photos/ragingnerdgasm/sets/72157630893589306/

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Micro Championship Wrestling

Micro Championship Wrestling

Ana Bruja Khayos got go meet some of the guys from the Micro Championship Wrestling. Fucking awesome.